Thursday, 22 December 2011


I am finding my way in spiritual terms, and I am not currently in "blogging about it" mode.

Starting to explore the site:, as well as various other spiritual websites, including many personal blogs on spiritual themes.  More links can be found on:

I wrote a short poem, in the build up to this year's Winter Solstice.  I just posted it on:  It also appears on: and I posted it on Tumblr.  It was written spontaneously, and didn't go through any real editing process.  It expresses deep emotions, a sense of spirituality, a moment captured - was written in a morning after very little sleep.  I feel that the poem refers to my feelings about the moon goddess Rhiannon.  I have talked about Rhiannon in previous blog posts.

That is all for now.  Blessed be. xxx

Sunday, 18 December 2011

So confused

I feel so confused about my spiritual beliefs at present.  I will update this blog soon, but I need to think some more first.  I feel kind of lost, you know?

Anyway, I hope to experience more clarity soon.

Love and blessings to you all. xxx

Monday, 12 December 2011


My faith is very strong right now, but I also have so many questions and am confused about my theological beliefs and direction.

I do feel that I am being guided by both God, my Heavenly Father, and Mother Goddess.  I feel emotional - and often extremely distressed - but I also experience moments of such intense peace.  I have been blessed.  I am very unwell at the moment, physically and mentally, but I am very grateful for my spiritual faith - which is all that keeps me going at times.

Saturday, 10 December 2011

What is a Quaker, let alone a Quagan?

A friend, earlier this year, asked me what religion I was - hmmm, always a hard one.  I started to attempt explaining that I was kind of Quaker Pagan, but I could tell that he wasn't really listening or receptive.  He thought that The Quakers had re-written The Bible.  He had this idea fixed in his mind, so arguing wasn't worthwhile or productive.  Then he insisted that Quakers were "British Mormon Christians", but. the word "pagan" also seemed to register, so I was also duly asked whether I was a "heathen".  And his final verdict?  I'm a "Quaker Mormon Christian heathen", of course!!!  Not bad, actually...

I don't worry too much.  My clinical psychologist called after that, and left a really weird message.  So who is craziest, anyway???  I'll live with "Quaker Mormon Christian heathen"...:-)

Saturday, 26 November 2011

Feeling spiritually lost

I always feel low, and spiritually confused, at this time of year.  :-(

I have been reading a book on Buddhism, which is interesting and inspiring, but it can be hard to hold the ideas and positive energy in my heart and mind.

I will leave it there for now.  Don't forget to check out: and

Sunday, 13 November 2011

Blogger drives me crazy sometimes!

I have started up new blogs for my fiction (short stories and a novel).  So far so good, but for some reason, some of the paragraphs don't, and won't, end where I want them to.  Even on my new poetry blog, I have had to accept that some of the poems don't visually "show" the same as the others, no matter how many times I try to ask for consistent fonts, font colours, etc.  Stress!

Sorry - this hasn't got much to do with spirituality, has it?  I know that normally I try to keep this blog for spiritual subjects, as opposed to my general blog (  To be honest, it's a case of laziness/convenience, as I was already on Blogger.  I could set up a general blog on here, but that would mean effectively "scrapping" the one.  There are Pros and Cons, but I don't like the "all eggs in one basket" aspect, and also sometimes Google/Blogger is frustrating to use.

Anyway, check out: or/and

Friday, 11 November 2011

Why can't I "follow" blogs anymore?

I don't mean ones I follow already, but new ones or ones I have only just discovered.  I don't want to go via Google Friend Connect, Yahoo, etc.  I don't understand any of that stuff - way too involved for me!!!  You used to just click on "Follow" at the top of the page.

Aw, well...Whatever! x

Been working on my new blog!

I now have a poetry blog at:, in addition to my poetry website at:  There are Pros and Cons of using a Tripod free site vs using a blog, and I figure that I am better off using both, so that I benefit from the positive aspects of each method and hopefully reach more readers.

Poetry helps me so much.  It sounds OTT to say that poetry has saved my life at times, but I truly believe that it has.  Poetry - like all art forms, and all that is beautiful in this life - is a gift from The Divine - from the gods and goddesses.

Blessed be. x

Thursday, 10 November 2011

It's been a year...

and I don't forget.

I looked up Stacey's Facebook page.  It's still there.  I started to look at it.  I don't know, it doesn't achieve much now, to look.  It just hurts.  I miss her so much and I have regrets.  I don't really know if I've written too many poems about her.  Is it too obsessive?  I don't know.

It is weird that Stacey died the day after Colin's birthday and a few days after my own (and so much was happening to us on that same day last year - ie: marriage nearly breaking up...)  Stacey's elder daughter told us a month and ten days later - ouch.  I don't know how I feel about anything anymore, and 2011 was such a difficult year, in just more ways than I can express.

I only met Stacey in 2008.  I wish that I'd met her sooner.  I wish that I hadn't found it so hard to get out and about and see her once I finished at the hospice shop.  I wish that I'd done more, in so many ways and on so many levels.

But I know that life is eternal, and I feel that Stacey is still here with me.  I can't say too much more.  I guess that I've said enough - probably too much, knowing me.

Wednesday, 9 November 2011

Correction! is the URL!!!!!! xxx


I am starting work on my poetry blog (after many false starts!)  Please check out:  There is only one poem on the new blog right now, but it's a start - and now that my NetBook is up and running, in addition to Colin's and my PC, internet access should be easier!!!

Also, don't forget to check out my Tripod poetry site:, which I regularly update.

Blessings to you all! xxx

Saturday, 29 October 2011

taken from Michele Knight's latest newsletter

We are here to love and we do love.  We love people, pets, places, possessions, jobs – all sorts of things.  The Buddha said that the pain of loving and losing is part of the human condition, and that our spiritual journey is to learn to love without attachment.  We can’t not love.  So all we can do is learn to love and let go.

So what can we love when everything is in a constant process of change?  We can love life itself.  We can love all of its cycles, gifts and challenges.  We can fall in love with our own mystical life force that is a reflection of the energy at work across the entire universe.

Friday, 21 October 2011


See my other blog:

I have also been updating

I have been researching the goddess Ariadne online, to some extent - interested initially because of her apparent influence on the poet Sylvia Plath.

I still pray to Rhiannon, when I can motivate myself to do so, and I did use my fairy oracle cards again yesterday.  The "Be Yourself" and "Pregnancy" cards came up again - plus a birthday related one and it is my birthday on 6/11.  I do wonder where the fairies are coming from.  It is getting very hard to "keep the faith" right now.  I feel so sad and unstable.  I also have ongoing physical health problems, still.  But see my other blog...

Friday, 7 October 2011

Just briefly...

Sorry for the lack of recent blog posts.  Back soon-ish - hopefully!  See  Love and peace to you all! x

Saturday, 27 August 2011

Blogspot/blogger poetry blog

I've not been updating the above mentioned site.  I was intending to do something a little more involved with this blog, going into the meanings of, and reasons for writing, some of my poems.  However, I never get around to doing this.  I've only ever put up one poem!  I am wondering if I shouldn't just change it into a regular poetry blog.  It would then involve less work, and I wouldn't neglect it as much.  It would be another way in which to share my poems - and another place to store them, in case Tripod ever decide to take down my websites overnight, which they could do at any time.  (They are only freebie sites, so they don't owe me anything - although they do all right out of the deal, with all the ads they put on my pages - wish that they'd ease up on the dating site variety!)

We'll see how it goes, but I think that's the way I'll go with it...

URL for the other blog:  Watch this space???

Thursday, 25 August 2011

Goddess oracle cards

I drew Cordelia, and she told me that I had been indoors too long, and I needed to at least step outside, so I made myself go into the back garden briefly, and I do feel better for it, although I still have it in my head that I didn't really have time, as I'm too behind with household tasks, and now I've ended up doing this blog, too...I wasn't getting my tasks done anyway though, so that's silly!  I did take a peak at the meaning of Rhiannon's card too, even though I didn't draw it - knew there had to be a Rhiannon card - and she also emphasised that I needed to be outside and connect with nature more.  I know, it is true!  It's ridiculously accurate.

Yesterday, the fairies told me to "be myself", which is also accurate.  I find it so hard to believe that anyone likes me as I am.  I've had that card before, quite a while ago.

I'm glad that I'm using my oracle cards again...:-)

Wednesday, 24 August 2011

Fairy oracle cards

I so don't know what to make of that.  I just drew the "Pregnancy" card.  There is one of the alternative meanings which might be relevant, but I wonder if one of my friends is expecting?  It definitely isn't me.  :-(  I have had that card before, but not recently...I did actually ask about my IBS and physical health problems, but I don't think that I meditated upon my question(s) for long enough.  But maybe the relevance of the card will make sense, when I go away and think some more about it.  I don't normally discuss what cards I draw.  I'm not sure if I should be or not, but on this occasion, it just felt right to do a blog post...

I do feel that using my oracle cards helps, though.  I have tarot cards too, but haven't so far got into them, really.  I got put off early on, as the first card I ever drew for myself was The Devil.  I know that it does have positive as well as negative meanings, but...I don't know, guess I just don't feel comfortable with the concept of "The Devil"...

Wednesday, 17 August 2011

Difficult times...

Yet, I have felt the goddess Rhiannon's powerful influence, and received her blessings, in my life.

I have started to use my Oracle cards again, with positive and beautiful results.

Please see my other blog:  I updated this yesterday.  Please also check out my poetry site, which I have been updating again:

Blessed be. x

Monday, 20 June 2011


Thank you for your reply to my last post, Sophia Catherine.  Have had so many problems replying to comments on here that this time I'm just doing it as a fresh blog post, and not even TRYING to do it the other way - too frustrating!!! 

I read your blog post and I totally relate to what you are saying.  I just did a "share on Twitter" (which should also end up on my Facebook page) - hope that is okay - as I thought that it would be good for my friends, family and contacts to read it.

I will email you on PaganSpace at some point.  It would be good to chat some more.  Take care! x

Sunday, 19 June 2011

Other blog

Just updated my other blog:  I'll come back to this one soon!

New images on and Facebook (for those of you who are linked to me on FB). 

I'm struggling with health issues right now, so bear with me.

Peace and blessings to you all! x

Saturday, 11 June 2011


I don't know if I did this "right", but I made my first contact with Rhiannon.  It feels right and I needed help, for myself and on behalf of friends.

It feels right.  I feel that she understands.

I asked the moon goddess to help with something specific before, and I felt her presence.  I feel and truly believe that she helped.  It wasn't for me.  It was for someone else.  But, well, I suppose it was kind of for me, too.  Definitely, yes, it was.

Anyway, a friend told me something today, and I have asked Rhiannon to help and bless her.  I have never understood before about the worship of specific deities, not in my heart.  I have believed in both God and Goddess for a long time.  That is why I couldn't continue with the Christian churches, after a certain point.  But this...I don't know...I can't even fully explain the: "Why Rhiannon?" question.  Maybe I shouldn't try.

Blessed be. x

Friday, 10 June 2011

Hi, Sophia Catherine!

Sorry to keep replying in this way, but I can't seem to get it to work the other way.  Your last reply made me laugh, about the water, smoke alarms and church carpets.  I guess that you need to find understanding people to worship with - Pagan and Christian - he, he!!! :-)

Thank you for replying to my PaganSpace email, too.  I think that I sent that before eventually managing to post a reply - albeit as a new post!  I did used to be able to do comments and reply to comments on here, although I don't get that many comments.  Oh well, never mind...Hopefully we'll chat some more.  We seem to have quite a lot in common.

Blessed be. x

So, let me see...

Time for another blog post.  I must admit that I'm becoming increasingly frustrated with some of the practical aspects of having my blogs here on Blogger/Blogspot.  I can't seem to reply to blog posts at the moment, for example...Oh well, we'll see how it goes.  I really don't want to have to give up this blog and start again elsewhere, and I'm not sure that any of the blog providers are ideal.  At least on Blogger/Blogspot, I can share poetry, and the software seems to understand the concept of stanza breaks!!!  And it has the added advantage that most other people who blog seem to be "over here", as it were. 

Anyway, I started "online researching" Rhiannon, the Welsh moon goddess, yesterday.  I feel drawn to her and so that's the direction I've started to go in - just seeing what the search engines find on her...Yes, and I can see aspects of her that I definitely relate to, and in that way, I understand why I am feeling the need to connect with her, on some level.

Blessed be.  Love and peace to you all.  xxx

Wednesday, 8 June 2011

Reply to comment on my last post...

This is for Sophia Catherine.  Thank you for your comment on my last post.  Blogger won't let me reply.  It keeps making me log in again and...I'm just going around in circles and getting stressed.  I copied/pasted my reply, so I'll try to include it here, as a fresh blog post!!!

Hi Sophia Catherine,
Blogger finally let me sign up to your blog - phew! It is great to connect with you. As I said on PaganSpace, I haven't heard the term "Christopagan" since my Beliefnet days!!! I kind of started out identifying as Christopagan myself. You're dyspraxic, as well? Yeah, honestly, I'd be dangerous with all those candles that most Wiccans and Witches seem to use every five minutes!!! I have a problem with Christianity in many respects, but especially the denial of the female Divine. I wasn't any good with Christian rituals, either. LDS church wasn't too bad in that way, but I used to avoid Communion at C. of E. Church, and I'd be hopeless at Catholicism (just practically)...x

Wednesday, 1 June 2011

Defining question

First of all, I know that a lot of people are confused about Quaganism, or Quaker/Paganism.  Quakerism does have its roots in Christianity, and Orthodox, Conservative Quakers would be traditionally Christian in terms of beliefs, including faith in The Trinity.  There is certainly much emphasis in Quaker literature on the teachings of Jesus.  It would tend to be the style of worship and the interpretation of the teachings of Jesus that would be very different for Christian Quakers, as compared to, say, Roman Catholics, Anglicans or Methodists - or any other mainstream Christian church.  Liberal Quakers are much more diverse in terms of beliefs, but would still relate to the same Quaker approach and appreciate the simplicity of the Quaker style of worship.  Pacifism is a core value of Quakerism, although some Quakers have even moved away from this - and it is the shared values which unite Quakers with very different views on many issues.  Within Liberal Quakerism, Pagan and Buddhist values and beliefs actually fit beautifully.  And, for people with Pagan or Buddhist (or other) beliefs, but who find the rituals difficult or don't relate to them for some reason, there can be a place - a spiritual home - with The Quakers.  There are many more reasons why people relate to Quakerism though, and it is such a big subject that it is difficult to know where to start.

Now, I am going to talk more about where I am at personally, right now.  The defining question is: To what extent do I feel Quagan, as opposed to Wiccan, based upon my beliefs and emotions, who I am inside and my relationship with The Divine?  And to what extent am I simply unable to cope with the rituals of the Wiccan religion due to factors ranging from dyspraxia, agoraphobia and OCD, to my psychological "hang-ups" (if they are to be viewed as such) regarding aspects of Wicca, and Paganism generally, such as "sky-clad worship"?

On the one hand, I have this obsession with, and need for, a spiritual identity, and the need/desire to "belong" somewhere - to have a religion, a specific, recognised spiritual path.  I am torn between this and a resistance to conformity of any kind, to being labelled or labelling myself - a need for individuality.  I am searching, ultimately, for an entirely authentic relationship with The Divine. 

I don't know if I am expressing myself clearly or not, but I want to keep trying.  It helps.  If reading this helps anyone else too, then that's even better.

I am still not technically a Quaker and haven't been to Meeting for some time now, but that is mainly due to health and practical reasons.  I do want to go back again, at some point.  My late grandparents (dad's side) were actively involved in The Quakers.  (They were Christian Quakers, though.)  My dad and his brother and sister were all birthright Quakers (a practice which has since been discontinued), but only my uncle ever became active within The Quakers, and he has since ceased to be involved in Quakerism.  I was Christened in the Anglican Church, but not raised "in the church", as it were - although my primary school did teach from a C. of E./Methodist Christian perspective.  I only really got involved in Quakerism personally after my intense experiences with the LDS/Mormon and Anglican churches, and etc, in 2007/08.

Anyway, I'll leave it there for now.  I could ramble endlessly about all of this, but I think that this, as a blog post, is starting to lose direction and focus.  Thank you to anyone who takes the time and trouble to read my words.  Blessed be.  xxx

Tuesday, 31 May 2011

I'm still here!

Please be patient.  I really do plan to develop this blog.  I just feel that Quagan blogs are important, because blogging seems to be the main way in which Quagans communicate right now.  I did put a post on a UK group on PaganSpace about Quaganism, but I don't suppose that anyone will answer.  So are all other Quagans in the USA?  I don't know.  It feels that way.  I don't even know if I'm a Quagan at all some days.  I don't know anything some days.

I'm thinking and feeling so much right now, but I can't begin to express any of it.  I remember reading a poem in the small press years ago.  The poet (don't remember who) was talking about all the things that he'd wanted to say to his other half or ex - not sure on any of the specifics now - but I can just remember that the poem ended: "...I didn't know where to begin, so I didn't."  My first instinct was that it was a stupid line, but I came to the conclusion that it wasn't at all.  It has stayed with me all these years, after all.  "I didn't know where to begin, so I didn't."  That is me, on just about every level!!!

Anyway, I'll leave it there for now.  Blessed be.  :-)

Thursday, 19 May 2011

Cherry picking?

So, there are still aspects that I love about both Wicca and Quakerism, and parts which I'm not sure are "for me".  Is that what my husband would call "cherry picking"?  Or, to use another term - "spiritual shopping"?  Or is it spiritual honesty?  Is it actually wrong to "cherry pick"?  Wicca, Quakerism - and I am reading up on Buddhism, too...

Anyway, I need to read more, and make time to meditate.  I need to feel for the answers and find my own way.

Billy Zed (zebra finch)

I am sad to have to say that Billy, one of our zebra finches, has passed away.  He probably died in the early hours of 17/05.  He had been with us since January 2006.  :-(

Wednesday, 11 May 2011

Spiritual poems

I am starting to go back to some of my poems, many of which had spiritual themes, written in 2007/08 (approx.) and discarded, for various reasons.  Some I now feel able to read again, honour, edit a little, and revive. :-)

Monday, 2 May 2011

Neglected blogs!

I will start to update my blogs soon.  Honestly! 

Anyway, I've just had a really frustrating time trying to log into my account.  I finally got in, but it still didn't let me do a new post.  So I came on here instead, and even Blogger didn't take me straight to the right place - but I'm here now!  Anyway, I haven't got that much to say now that I am here, except to apologise for my recent lack of activity on all of my blogs. 

I don't really feel that spiritual at the moment.  I feel kind of stressed out, and...oh, I don't know.  My head is full of issues.  I have my spiritual moments, though.  I didn't celebrate Beltane, not even in my vague Quagan style.  I feel like I'm as rubbish at being Pagan as I was at being Christian.  But the feelings and beliefs are there!  Okay, so I just need some direction...Tell me about it!

More from me soon, hopefully...Blessed be. x

Friday, 8 April 2011

OCD and being Pagan/Wiccan

I felt sad after writing my last post that I used the words: "I'm not Wiccan and never will be."  That seemed too final. 

I do feel that I am being specifically tested - which isn't the perfect word, but the best the I can come up with, at the moment - with regard to the OCD vs Pagan/Wiccan faith thing, especially with regard to my obsessions with hygiene. 

I'm also not sure now if my Pagan/Wiccan beliefs scare me in some respects, and maybe I'm using Quakerism as a "safety net" - maybe even my OCD and dyspraxia, too.  But then I also think that I'm thinking too much, and losing my true spirituality in the process.  I need to meditate, and try to feel for the answers.  If you read this, please send me positive healing energy.  I really need that right now.

Saturday, 26 March 2011

OCD and being Quaker/Pagan

So, okay, I've dealt with being a dyspraxic, candle-phobic Pagan, and I thought that that was big.  It isn't really though, because I'm Quagan, not Wiccan.  I'm deeply influenced by Wicca, but I'm not Wiccan and I never will be.  But, anyway, I still aim to live by the Wiccan Rede, and to me, that's the most important part.  I mean, "An ye harm none, do as ye will" - who can argue with that?  It's beautiful and it's true.

Anyway, the OCD - now that is bigger - especially the hygiene obsessions.  How can you hold Quaker/Pagan beliefs and values and then do totally the opposite?  I feel disconnected from Mother Earth because I am afraid to touch Her.  The whole eco thing is a problem, and it's hard to instantly overcome it.  Yes, I know that washing your hands every five minutes, using tumble driers, using vast quantities of cleaning wipes, etc are all totally wrong.  And I can go on about the fact that I don't drive or go on foreign holidays and various other things, but that's not really the point.  The things is: guilt.  When I was into going to LDS and C. of E. churches, and into Christianity (apart from the fact that I always believed in the female Divine, etc), guilt was such a massive thing for me.  Repentance - yes, in a way, that was perfect for me, because I want to punish myself constantly for not being good enough and messing up throughout my life.  I like that Quakerism and Paganism doesn't have the same emphasis on guilt - but then I have all these issues, and I think that really I have as much Quaker guilt and Pagan guilt as I ever had Christian guilt, and I don't want to go into that.  I want to fight my OCD and I want to fight my guilt feelings, too.  Regretting the past is unavoidable, but I just have to dwell on it less.  And stuff that I know I'm still doing wrong in my life, I need to work towards correcting or improving.  Who is perfect, anyway?

I hope that I will go back to Quaker meetings eventually.  That is still one of my ambitions.  But I'm not so sure that Pagan Quakers go down well in Basingstoke, UK.  I just know that I believe what I believe and I'm proud of what I believe, so I guess that they either accept me as I am or they don't - but, anyway, that is a whole issue in itself, which maybe I'll return to in a future blog post.

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Rest in peace, Raz budgie and Kit the zebra finch.

I'm sad to say that we lost Raz budgie a week ago, and one of our zebra finches, Kit, yesterday.

I copied this from my other blog (

This morning (a week since Raz passed), I heard from our grey budgie, Bert, who passed away in December 2008.  Bert appeared by my bed in a dream, just before I woke up.  I have heard from Bert before since his death.  Raz was also grey, but very different to Bert - much smaller, with black markings and a pale yellow face.  After we lost Bert, I always knew that another grey budgie would come into our lives but that he wouldn't look like Bert, or Silver (a budgie whom my parents inherited from my late nan), or a grey budgie who a lady bought for her son in a pet shop on the day we bought Nephi, Lehi, Robin and Vernon finches (which also ended up being the day before we lost our beloved lineolated parakeet, Pear).  

I know that it is lazy to copy a whole paragraph from one blog to the other, but I didn't want to have to struggle for the words all over again.  In fact, there are so many aspects to the all of the stories connected with our birds - and I don't think that I've done a great job of explaining.  It reads quite badly, in my own, self-critical opinion - but it will have to do for now.

I updated my poetry site:

More from me soon, hopefully...x

Sunday, 13 March 2011

Saturday, 12 March 2011

Poetry and my past

A while ago, I started writing this long, rambling confessional poem - about stuff that happened in my life twenty years ago - and I went back to it yesterday, but it hurt so much.  I had to hear "End of the World" again - and "Foolish Beat", although I listen to Deborah Gibson regularly anyway, so have kept listening to that.  I can't explain the significance of the songs, not without opening the whole thing up again, and I'm not ready.  I'm going to come back to the poem.  I know my limits. 

Anyway, I've shared the two videos on this blog.  I don't know if I should be sharing music on my blog, as I'm not sure if there is any sort of maximum on megabites, etc - but I wouldn't have thought so - and I really needed to do this.  I don't think that my old Sonia tape - if I could find it at all - even plays anymore - so really You Tube was my best bet for listening to the song.  I know that "End of the World" is a cover, and probably will listen to the original as well at some point, which I expect is technically better - but sometimes you really need to hear the version of a song that is familiar to you, and unlocks your own memories.  If it happens to be "rubbish pop" then so be it.

I don't know if this is exactly the type of post that I had intended to include on my "Quagan Poet" blog - probably not - but life and emotions just happen, I guess.

I had a dream the night before I started to write the poem again, and it all ties in with that part of my life.  The pain is so deep and overwhelming.  There have been too many issues and emotions which I haven't addressed.

That's all for now.  Love to you all, and thank you for reading this. xxx

Foolish Beat+Lyrics Debbie Gibson

Sonia - End of the world (PWL 1990)

Saturday, 5 March 2011

Tried to create a new blog here...

but having technical difficulties, at the moment...

So, anyway, I'm thinking of various ways of achieving what I want to, or as near as possible, given the limitations.  It's all good fun, really - and does at least takes my mind off my dodgy tummy, if nothing else!!!

Friday, 4 March 2011


This is one of my recent poems.  I am partly including it on this blog so that I can see if poetry displays properly on Blogger/Blogspot sites.  I had problems in this respect on, in that the software couldn't deal with stanza breaks! 

Anyway, if poetry does display properly on this blog then I might start up a new poetry blog here, in addition to my Tripod poetry site -  I'm always looking for alternative ways in which to share my work, and there have been indications that Tripod may not always offer their current web-building facility for free customers.  And I can't afford to pay for web space!!!

Anyway, here it is:

Why Can’t We?

Why can’t we all just get along?
Why can’t we all be friends?
I heard the line “Thou shalt not kill” –
not, “Oh well, it depends…”

I’m sick of funding pointless wars
until this country’s broke,
and can’t afford an NHS
that works.  What kind of joke

is this supposed to be, and must
we blow The Planet up to
test out which, if any,
religious text is true?

Sunday, 27 February 2011

Peace Testimony, pacifism and vegetarianism

I totally believe in The Quakers' Peace Testimony.  To me, that couldn't be more relevant today.  And it ties in with "An ye harm none do as ye will" and "Thou shalt not kill".  The Tibetan Book of the Dead also tells us not to kill.  The literal meaning of Islam is "peace".  How can "holy wars" be justified?

Personally, I also extend this to not killing animals.  I do not judge those who do, but frequently feel judged by meat-eaters who feel threatened by vegetarianism.  I think that, if people are going to eat meat, which I personally choose not to, they should at least take the time to thank The Divine (and, yes, I do allow for, and respect, atheism - but certainly all who believe...), and to honour the spirit of the animal who has lost his or her life in order to feed them.   

Pacifism and vegetarianism may be unpopular, but I believe in these values, and I don't see why they cause so much offence.

Wednesday, 23 February 2011

How do you reconcile this?

I'm still stuck on the little kid one: "Why does God let bad things happen?"  I'm still stuck on feeling like I'm being punished whenever something goes wrong in my life.  I'm stuck on why so many bad things happen to good people - and animals.  Why is life so unfair sometimes?  I can reason all of this out, but I keep going around in circles and coming back to the same issues. 

Sometimes my faith in God/Great Spirit, The Goddess, The Divine - call it/Him/Her what you will - sometimes that faith feels so strong - but why isn't it more constant?  Why do I get so confused?  I don't stop believing that there is a Higher Power.  I actually almost doubt that the Higher Power is on my side!!!  And I do look at the "bigger picture", but I see so much suffering out there sometimes, and I don't know how to stop myself from feeling depressed.

Am I really a Pagan???

Following on from my "Am I really a Quaker?" post...

So, am I really a Pagan?  I don't know.  I mean, for a start, I'm dyspraxic.  Candle magick and dyspraxia - not the best combination.  Can you be Pagan or/and Wiccan if you can't do candle magick?  Well, I guess I'm not great on religious rituals, anyway - which is probably, in part, where the Quaker side of things comes in for me.  This is all so hard to explain because there are so many aspects to everything, and I don't know where to start, so I apologise if this isn't the greatest blog post ever.

I believe in God and Goddess, angels, faeries, animal spirit guides - and I feel connected to The Divine in my own way, but I guess that I don't entirely fit in anywhere. 

I have used oracle cards.  I own Tarot cards too, but got put off early on, because the first card I ever drew for myself was The Devil, and even though I know that there are positive and constructive aspects to that Tarot card, I have such a problem with the whole Devil concept - you know???

I haven't even touched upon my experiences with the C. of E. and LDS/Mormon churches yet.  I guess that I'll discuss all of that eventually.  Like I said, it's just so hard to know where to start - it really is.  But I want to do this - and I kind of need to do this, in a way.  I just feel like this is the direction I'm being drawn towards.  I've been so inspired by other Quagan blogs, and if reading my ramblings can help even one person to feel less isolated, then it will be worth it.

Is there anyone out there - anyone at all - who has ever had the surreal feeling of being in the middle of a church service at LDS church, thinking about Wicca and Buddhism???????  I can't begin to explain it...

Funny thing is, it's much harder to talk about this in prose form than to write poetry about it.  I've talked about it on forums, but that's different.  That's so-and-so says something and so-and-so responds, but just trying to say this stuff - will I get better at this, I wonder???

Saturday, 19 February 2011

Quagan definition

Quagan??? A Quagan, or Quaker Pagan, is someone who follows a spiritual path based upon a combination of Liberal Quaker and Pagan/Neo-Pagan beliefs and values. That's the best definition I can come up with at present!

Okay, I've added this as a post, so that I can alter my profile, which originally gave this definition.  I am going to edit my profile to say more generally who I am, as I now have another blog on Blogger, which doesn't relate to Quaganism, but to the "pink lit" category of teenage fiction.  I just thought that it was confusing for anyone looking at the new blog if the "About me" section just went on about Quagans, Quakers and Pagans, when the other blog is about something entirely different!!! :-)  If you are interested in my new blog, then check out:

I have no idea...

why the web link on my last post displays as "null", but the link does work and it is a good site, so hopefully that won't put people off visiting it! 

Anyway, just updated:  I will come back to this blog soon!!!  And also begin to develop my newest blog at:  At the same time, I have to try to spend less time overall online, as I don't tend to get anything else done!!!  It's a question of balance...

Sunday, 6 February 2011

Am I really a Quaker?

I don't currently go to Meetings, for health and personal reasons, but I hope to again one day.  I never joined my local Meeting, so I am not technically a Quaker, but I do come from a "part Quaker" (dad's side) family, and I associate strongly with Quakerism.  There is, of course, the added complication of identifying as Quagan (or Quaker Pagan), rather than Quaker Christian, or Orthodox/Conservative Quaker.  Not all Quakers would accept me as a Quaker.  But do I accept myself as a Quaker?  Do Great Spirit and The Goddess accept me as a Quaker?  Do labels or "club memberships" really matter, anyway?  Is Quakerism a religion?  If so, why do so many view it as a Christian denomination, especially here in the UK?  I'm so confused!  If it is possible to be a solitary witch or an independent Christian, then why not a solitary or independent Quaker?  And where are all the Quaker Univeralist groups???

Saturday, 5 February 2011

Just added a couple more of my poems...

via my Poemhunter page.  :-)

Lime Trees by Paula Puddephatt

Lime Trees by Paula Puddephatt

Not In God's Name by Paula Puddephatt

Not In God's Name by Paula Puddephatt

Faith and hope, and fear and insecurities...

Can we ever know anyone?  Be secure of anyone or anything?  How do we free our spirits from disabling emotions, like doubt and fear of rejection?  Is it normal to feel such a strong sense of faith one moment, and yet at other times, to feel totally lost and alone?

Michael Jackson - Earth song - lyrics

Michael Jackson - Heal The World (Lyrics)

Madonna - Love Profusion

The Wiccan Rede

"An ye harm none, do as ye will."  I know that there are various versions of the full poem, but that is the important part: the Wiccan Rede.  I'm not really Wiccan, but I'm influenced, and deeply inspired, by Wicca.  And I absolutely love the Wiccan Rede.  It is simple, beautiful, powerful and just so true.

Thursday, 3 February 2011

Madonna - Like a Prayer [Celebration DVD]

Sharing on my blog!

I'm new to Blogger, and have just experimented with the site's sharing facilities - so two of my favourite videos from You Tube, and a few of my poems from my Poemhunter page, have now been added.  Hope you enjoy them! :-)

A Certain Stillness by Paula Puddephatt

A Certain Stillness by Paula Puddephatt

Cash Machines In Walls by Paula Puddephatt

Cash Machines In Walls by Paula Puddephatt

The Highest Perch by Paula Puddephatt

The Highest Perch by Paula Puddephatt

Spiritual Peace by Paula Puddephatt

Spiritual Peace by Paula Puddephatt

Moon Goddess by Paula Puddephatt

Moon Goddess by Paula Puddephatt

Quakers On Pacifism by Paula Puddephatt

Quakers On Pacifism by Paula Puddephatt

Michael Jackson - The Earth Song

Deborah Gibson-Naked.wmv

Hay Quaker: Optimism and Hope ~ Doug Muder

Hay Quaker: Optimism and Hope ~ Doug Muder: "'At times like these it is important to remember the difference between hope and optimism. Optimism is an expectation of the future, but ho..."

God(dess) comes to all nations...

I just believe that!  So I don't believe that any one religion or spiritual path has "all of the answers".  If that makes me a "spiritual seeker" or "spiritual shopper", so be it.  It is just so hard when you don't really fit in anywhere, but I've had that problem throughout my life.  I persist, and defend what I believe to be right and true.  I am happy with the term "Quagan" - as labels go - but true spirituality transcends all labels.  It isn't a case of which, if any, "club" you belong to.  That's how I see it, anyway.  All religions contain truth and value, and if we have open minds and hearts, we can learn from each other, and be loving and compassionate towards other people - and animals - and trees etc, as they have spirits, too.

Quaker Pagan Reflections: For This Year's Brighid Poetry Festival

Quaker Pagan Reflections: For This Year's Brighid Poetry Festival: "Let the candles flame Soft against the cutting cold Ice and mounting snow. For the fire wakes Soon, and leaps into the sky. Ice will melt; ..."

Monday, 31 January 2011

This is so true and inspiring...

(source: "Advices and Queries", The Quakers/Religious Society of Friends)

We do not own the world, and its riches are not ours to dispose of at will.  Show a loving consideration for all creatures, and seek to maintain the beauty and variety of the world.  Work to ensure that our increasing power over nature is used responsibly, with reverence for life.  Rejoice in the splendour of God's continuing creation.

Sunday, 30 January 2011

Blogs on Quaganism!

Here are three blogs on Quaganism - and before reading these, I was beginning to wonder whether Quagans/Quaker Pagans existed beyond the realms of Beliefnet!!!  Anyway, check out:

Also, visit: or/and if you are interested in finding online communities relating to Quakerism or/and Paganism.  :-)

Thursday, 27 January 2011

I hope to develop this site soon...

so please keep visiting!!!  Meanwhile, I also have a blog at:  Blessed be.  Love and peace to you all! x


Rest in peace, Debbie budgie (July 2006 - 26/01/11).  Love you, darling.  xxx

Tuesday, 25 January 2011


So am I really up and running with a blogspot website this time???  I had no luck last time!